Oh what sad creatures we would be
without the Shopping Channel!
Or game shows where C-list celebrities
make up the panel!
My dear, how could we ever cope
without those docu-dramas!
Those film star interviews from Guadeloupe
or the Bahamas!
Eastenders helps the hours pass;
to Corrie we’re addicted.
The medium is our message, as
Marshall McLuhan predicted.
And what glum boredom would we feel
without our sitcom fix!
Our wired brains would soon congeal
without those moving pix.
Our life would end up dull and dry
without the News and Weather.
If our TV curled up and died
we’d never stay together.
But just one thought: if plague or blight
attacked that magic screen;
when we’d recovered from the fright,
a blessing it might seem.
We’d turn to cards and chess again,
pick up the violin,
unpack the keyboard, practise Zen
and find a world within.
We could train ferrets, master French —
a thousand more projects.
With any luck we’d read a book.
We might even have sex.
Sometimes you gotta do like Elvis:
shoot the damn thing out.
Then you’d be free eternally
to dance and muck about.
What happy creatures we would be!
Le monde serait si beau!
We’d be the unrecorded stars
of our own reality show!