A common man marvels at uncommon things. A wise man marvels at the commonplace. CONFUCIUS

Friday, 30 January 2009

What A Morning!!!

Exclams are for hysterics. Ellipses are for sensitives. Colons are for bullies. Please: can we have all the punctuation, or none...

No email for an hour. The bastards.

Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head. My Dearly Beloved was still snoring away, so I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. To be faced with A NEAT PILE OF VOMIT NEXT TO THE COOKER!!! The cat had been sick again... Omigod... I cleaned it up WITH THE DISHCLOTH!!! as I couldn't find another cloth... What WILL my DB say? Cooked breakfast... Specially for all my non-UK readers, this was my English breakfast... commonly known over here as "a heart attack on a plate":

Mmmm... Now, doesn't that look good?!!! (Tho' sadly no black pudding...) I was still a little hungry after the fry-up so I popped some bread into the toaster. Unfortunately it was BURNT TO A CINDER as I had the setting up WAY too high!!! Luckily there were a few more slices left of the loaf, so I popped in another couple (after turning down the heat setting, natch!!!) and this time they were TOASTED TO A TREAT!!! Here's a pic of our toaster (£7.50 from Tescos - not bad, huh?!!!):

Gastronomically satisfied, I checked for comments on my blog. NONE AT ALL!!! Where ARE the buggers? Surely SOME of them were awake all night reading this stuff?!!! Switched on the TV. More death and destruction in the Middle East - and a cat squashed by a motorbike in Stoke-on-Trent. How insensitive to broadcast such CARNAGE so EARLY in the MORNING... (The CAT I mean...) DISGUSTING... Feel my stomach churning now... Tho' perhaps it's the effect of that fatty sausage and fried bread?!!! Checked the blog again. Still no comments. BASTARDS!!! Thought about putting the burnt toast on the bird table (waste not want not!!!) but didn't because I seemed to remember I'd read somewhere that BURNT FOOD is CARCINOGENIC!!! Checked the bird table. Not a bird in sight!!! Hope things improve by NATIONAL BIRDWATCH DAY! It would be so embarrassing to record NO BIRDS AT ALL! Here's a pic of my bird table... err... with no birds on it... However you can just make out a solid slab of suet in the foreground!:

Don't you think that it's an an absolutely SWEET little bird table? (Bought half-price at the Garden Centre!) Checked blog. A COMMENT AT LAST!!! YIPPEE!!! But hold on: it's just a SMILEY FACE! Does that mean the post was KINDA AVERAGE but "I STILL LIKE YOU ANYWAY???" Or does it just mean: someone HADN'T MUCH TIME TO COMMENT because they had to CATCH A BUS IN A FEW MINUTES??? Jesus, I really don't know...

Must publish this now as CASH IN THE ATTIC is just about to start. (Will blog about it later!!!) So much has happened already! And it's only half-way through the morning!!! TTFN fellow bloggers and bloggerettes!!!


(The quotations cited above were stolen shamelessly from the latest post by Rachel Fox - which in turn were taken from Don Paterson's book of aphorisms The Book Of Shadows.)


Alan Sloman said...

'Cash in the Attic' - the only true class programme on the telly - realy - all the others pretend to be classy.

Read Blogs.

Read 'Solitary Walker' for True Class (and the capitals are important here)

forest wisdom said...

You kill me, SW. :)

Rachel Fox said...

Hey, you're funny!

Our old dog was sick this morning too...and then had a shaking attack and collapsed. We thought she was dying but then she got up...and was fine. Such a lovely start to a day.

'The Book of Shadows' gets better and better.

Bella said...

A colon and half a bracket can summarise so much!

Funny blog land - bloggers checking for comments, readers reading comments, commenters checking for further comments...and subsequent anxiety that one may overlook a crucial comment. All this whilst not being absolutely sure (but could calculate) the varying time zones of bloggers and readers. What did we all do before all this existed?

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Goodness me, SW, didn't you WASH YOUR HAIR when you got up?!!!

(PS: Yes, your cooker is cleaner than ours ... no sign of Pollock there ...)

The Solitary Walker said...

Bella: went for long walks? :)

Raph: now I've checked my blog, I think I'LL TAKE A SHOWER before WALKING DOWN TO THE SHOP to BUY THE GUARDIAN..!

Rachel: That sounds like an epileptic fit to me.

Forest: Hope you're OK :)

Alan: You forget 'Bargain Hunt', my friend.

Rachel Fox said...

She's a very old dog. Been living on borrowed time for a while now...

Val said...

I love it!

Dave King said...

I thoroghly enjoyed that!

Jay said...

LOL! A crisis of confidence in Blogland? Your blog is great, don't worry about it. There can be all kinds of reasons for the 'no comment' thing, including weekends, public holidays, personal busyness etc. This weekend is both Australia Day and the Superbowl, I think - well, I know it's the Superbowl.

I've also noticed sometimes I get few comments on posts I've thought were really good, and tons on posts I thought were so-so. Capricious lot, us bloggers, huh?

@Rachel, we have a very old dog too, and thought we were losing him TWICE a few days ago. A truckload of new meds later and he is so much better! He might actually go on for a while yet! :)

The-Grizzled-But-Still-Incorrigible-Scribe-Himself! said...

Oh, my, Solitary. Did we get up on the wrong side of the blogosohere? Or was it the cat puke before breakfast? Which, I might add, looked perfectly tasty to me—your fry-up breakfast, not the cat whissle. (Thank God for your photographic restraint!)

I've always liked carbonized toast with butter—sorta that salty/greasy/bitter thing going, y'know? A pity not even the birds got a taste.

Your bird feeder indeed looks fetching. If the local feathered freeloaders won't deign to eat thereupon, I say let the little buggers starve.

As to your dearth of comments, I would have thrown my own by now devalued two cents worth in, but apparently you posted after I set off to do whatever vitally important thing it was I did yesterday (or would that have been two days ago?…or tomorrow?…this time differential is confusing!) except I forgot I had to borrow my own DB's 4-wheel drive to get up the driveway hill, what with a foot of snow on the ground and my truck's 2-wheel drive reluctance to negotiate a 50-degree ice-glazed slope. This meant I had to drive the aforementioned DB to work. And after returning, there was barely time to get a column off, putter around a bit, walk the dog (mush, mush, through the snow we go!) get cleaned up and dressed, and go out about that vital business of saving mankind and and making the entire globe a better place for every breathing soul. Or to put all this succinctly…I got busy and forgot.

I'll try and not let it happen again.

P.S. I posted a blog entry recently which no one commented on FOR HOURS! I was so traumatized I almost slit my wrists.

The Solitary Walker said...

Thanks again for these extra comments! You made me laugh, Grizzled. Been writing several ironic posts lately - must control myself..! But remember the words in my WELCOME widget: "There may be the odd joke..."

Isn't a sense of humour so necessary and so wonderful? Strangely, I've appreciated humour a lot lately, since the trauma of my father's death... a kind of reaction I suppose...