You have to focus on the most wonderful relationship you can have: the relationship with yourself. It is not about being selfish; it is about self-love. These are not the same. You are selfish with yourself because there is no love there. You need to love yourself, and the love will grow more and more. Then, when you enter a relationship, you don't go into it because you need to be loved. It becomes a choice. You can choose someone if you want to, and you can see who he really is. When you don't need his love, you don't have to lie to yourself.
You are complete. When love is coming out of you, you are not searching for love because you afraid to be alone. When you have all that love for yourself, you can be alone and there's no problem. You are happy to be alone, and to share is also fun.
You are what you believe you are. There is nothing to do except to be just what you are. You have the right to feel beautiful and enjoy it. You can honor your body and accept it as it is. You don't need anyone to love you. Love comes from the inside. It lives inside us and is always there, but with that wall of fog, we don't feel it. You can only perceive the beauty that lives outside you when you feel the beauty that lives inside you. [My italics.]
When you become wise, your life is controlled by your heart, not your head.
Head or Heart
the heart says yes
the head says no
the head says stop
the heart says go
the heart acts
while the head reflects
the heart dreams
what the head rejects
the head speaks out
a warning word
the heart sings
like a soaring bird
the heart is fire
the head is ice
give me the heart
at any price?
THE SOLITARY WALKER
(Thanks to Wikimedia Commons for the image)
5 comments:
Thank you so much for bringing this book to our attention. I remember your poem,
http://solitary-walker.blogspot.com/2011/11/head-and-heart.html
and I thank you for posting it again.
That book is available through our public library, and I put a hold on it.
I've been alone for a long long time but not lonely. Before he died, I dreamed that there was a rainbow connecting me to the one I loved for 42 years and continue to love. For many of those years I didn't love myself. The rainbow dream may have been the beginning of loving myself -- the missing piece.
"What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be."
(Ellen Burstyn)
If dogs run free, then what must be
Must be, and that is all
True love can make a blade of grass
Stand up straight and tall
In harmony with the cosmic sea
True love needs no company
It can cure the soul, it can make it whole
If dogs run free
(Bob Dylan)
The language of my heart speaks what the language of my mind has no words for.
The word that stands out in this post for me in "honor." To honor oneself is to acknowledge the legitimacy of one's authentic life, to lay claim to the infinite possibilities that a single life holds. As Ruiz notes, every individual is complete. We are valid ab initio. Though affection from others is undeniably sweet, the validation of one's individual life does not depend on it.
I can comprehend the head vs the heart and understand that it can be better to have the heart rule at times, but love is beyond my comprehension. I just don't get it because the word is so nebulous. I enjoy being alone and living alone but I don't know how much I love myself. I enjoy myself and am content but love confuses me.
It's so important, isn't it, George, to 'acknowledge the legitimacy of one's authentic life, to lay claim to the infinite possibilities that a single life holds.'' To believe in our validity, our right to exist as unique individuals. Most of us (perhaps all of us) fall short in one way or another, and have doubts and despairs, but that's only human, I guess.
I agree that love can often seem beyond comprehension, Rubye. And yes, it has different intensities in different contexts, doesn't it? If I'm honest, I don't quite know how much I love myself either. I hope I 'honour' my self, and have self-esteem, but loving oneself too much can have narcissistic implications. But I absolutely agree with Ruiz that, unless we respect and, yes, love ourselves, we can't properly respect and love others. Thanks, as always, for your honest and thoughtful comment.
And Am… I, and I think all of us, are privileged to read your comment and to share the story of your rainbow dream.
'The language of my heart speaks what the language of my mind has no words for.'
Those Dylan words are so apt: 'True love needs no company'.
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