I've long been an admirer of graffiti - not the dumb stuff, but the clever stuff which inspires you, and makes you think and smile. (The more popular Spanish Caminos are peppered with spiritual and political graffiti - in autopista underpasses, at pilgrim picnic-places, in suburban edgelands.) Here are some of the wittiest graffiti I've collected over the years.
Absolute zero is cool.
OK, so I'm cured of schizophrenia, but where am I now when I need me?
Not enough is being done for the apathetic.
I couldn't care less about apathy.
Sycophancy rules - if it's OK by you.
Is a lady barrister without briefs a solicitor?
I bet I could stop you gambling.
Fucque Braque.
Bread is the staff of life. Toast a decadent capitalist luxury.
I thought cirrhosis was a type of cloud, until I discovered Smirnoff.
Descartes thought he was here.
Sceptics may or may not rule, OK.
Constipation is the thief of time. Diarrhoea waits for no man.
Do you have a drink problem? Yes, I can't afford it.
Easter is cancelled this year. They've found the body.
Graffiti should be obscene and not heard.
I used to think Fellatio was a character in Hamlet until I discovered Smirnoff.
If you feel strongly about graffiti, sign a partition.
Halitosis is better than no breath at all.
What do you have in common with your husband? We were both married on the same day.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Norman Mailer is the master of the single entendre.
One thing about masturbation - you don't have to look your best.
Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Help your local police force - beat yourself up.
How do you tell the sex of a chromosome? By taking down its genes.
It begins when you sink into his arms; and ends with your arms in the sink.
Sterility is hereditary.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
(Acknowledgements to Nigel Rees and his book Graffiti 2)
